Monday, October 30, 2006

When his Dad wants to be a 'kept man' as a model for his son.

My issue as a single mom revolves around adult male role models for my son, who is now 15. He has been involved in Boy Scouts and sports; I enjoy many activities that are stereotypically male (fishing, camping, mountain biking, etc), and have taught him how to be a handyman around the house. (He also knows how to cook and clean J). I feel he has been exposed to most everyday things that boys are exposed to in a two-parent household.

My son’s father has not had a job in four years; he plays golf, tennis, and volleyball and has an active social life. He is living with a woman that supports him financially. When he lived with us, his priority was to play golf, tennis, and volleyball. In neither household did he participate in basic housekeeping or yard work, and is admittedly “selfish, lazy, and irresponsible”. I see my son beginning to emulate his father, and why not? He knows that his dad’s woman and I are both strong, self-reliant females who work hard to keep everyone and everything together, so why shouldn’t he be able to live like his father? He has not been exposed to a “marriage as partnership” nor has he seen male responsibility.

Unfortunately, his uncles are spread around the country; his grandfather is an old man. Since our divorce, I have tried very hard to not speak poorly of his dad, but it’s getting more difficult to not point out to my son that he can’t count on finding a woman to support him for his entire life (nor should he want to).

So, how in the world can I instill in my son responsibility and a strong work ethic when his major role model is a guy that wants to have fun all day?


1 comment:

Jonh Neo said...

Hello Martin, This is a good article site.
i found many information here.
Good luck, Martin