Tuesday, April 11, 2006

First contributions: As a single mother of two boys..


As a single mother of two boys, yes, life felt like a struggle most of the time. Now in my fifties and the boys now men, I look back and do have some regrets but only because I wish I knew then what I know now.

I became a single mom when my youngest boy was 3, he's now 28, and the oldest was 11 at that time. Yes, they were 8 years apart.

It wasn't easy making the decision that I was better off as a single parent than staying in an abusive relationship (alcohol and mental). It took some time to realize it was one of the best decisions I ever made for myself and for my boys. One I don't regret to this day.

During the transition period, I felt all alone. My parents turned their back on me. Back in those days divorce was seen as a no-no and always the fault of the wife. And my parents didn't help because they were from the old school of thinking -- you have to stand by your man no matter what. It took a while for my mom to shift her thinking but she did so before she passed.

Healthy interaction with male role models is very important. However, I do toss caution to the wind - sometimes what we personally see as healthy can be through filters that aren't balanced ourselves when we have been through these types of trial and tribulations. This will result in choosing role models that actually have the opposite effect.

My two boys didn't have healthy role models and the consequences later in life were big now that I look back. I didn't date anyone seriously for years afterwards. It took a lot of self-healing to figure out why I was attracting these types of men and the healing moved slowly.
It took my experience with becoming a counselor in ACOA (Adult Children of
Alcoholics) to open up the pattern and begin stopping the attraction.
Men have a different way of looking at things and having a mixture for them to see and choose from can be a good thing. But again, I repeat, finding male role models isn't an easy task especially when your own filters are distorted.

Well, I can't stay and write I have a radio show to produce this morning.
I highly recommend taking the time to find an organization that can support you in this selection. And also to interview anyone that you are going to allow into your sons life. Even the most reputable looking men years later were found to be maelstroms. Rely on your gut feeling too.

Martin, this is an excellent topic to open up. Keep it up. It's hard to believe that there aren't any good books on this. Hmmm, Martin, practice the Laws of Attraction and they will appear.

Hugs, Catherine Franz

Single Mother's (Single Parent) Raising Sons: http://mothersandsons.blogspot.com/

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