Sunday, April 06, 2008

A message that we have senT to many boys..

What is the message we send boys about being a mature man?

A possible message that we have sent to many boys (posted to encourage discussion). The person that posted the quoted material requested to be anonymous:

"Hello little boy, we want you to grow up to be a good man but we won't be clear what that is... We will tell you all that’s wrong with just being a man but hide the unique value. Oh by the way, you can get a clear image of being a "bad guy" everywhere. And it is good to be in-touch with your feminine side but your wife may hate you for it in the long run. Also, if you show any aggression or too much exuberance as a boy we will send you to the principal. We will ring all the passion out of you if it looks in any way like aggression then wonder why you don’t take enough initiative in life. As your sex drive develops we will just tell you it is bad and shame you about it, forcing it into the shadows. Don't you realize you are the "privileged one", you have everything, don't you feel it? You are male so you have all the power and are to blame for all the problems. "

Is that not the signal we send when we have not answered the following questions?

What is the unique value of men?
What is the unique value of the masculine?
What is the unique value of fathers?

Are we afraid that just by exploring this it will take something away from women and children, instead of realizing that by NOT exploring this we already are taking something away from women and children?

Consider that when there is less room for the healthy masculine, there will be less room for the healthy feminine. Post your comments or email them to be posted to

Again this is presented for discussion not as some dogmatic fact. What is your reaction, experience, etc.

1 comment:

Sheilah said...

Hi Martin,

You are absolutely correct. By not answering a child - on any topic- and especially on the values of being a man, we are sending the wrong message.

Parents need to be parents. They need to face every issue head on and with precise wording. We need to show a child what is expected and also lead by example.

I see far too many parents make excuses or shy away from what is being asked. We confuse the child and then blame the child for not understanding.

Being a single parent is not an excuse for anything. Being a parent whether single or dual is a responsibility far too many are not living up to and even more are using an an excuse for their own weaknesses.

Never forget who is the parent and who is the child and the clear role of each.